Now that my fanfic update in this blog is finished, I want to talk about something important.

I am tired of hurting my mother, I don't do it on purpose, but I know that I am hurting her, probably a lot.

I wish I was a better person. I want to be a better person for everyone, but I guess to be that I have to be happy with myself first...



I am going to admit that I am really eager to finally be at the end of the year 2012.

I don't know what is going to happen...and I am scared about the future...but...I can presently say that until now, 2012 is about tears and depression. I never felt this way before....except probably two years ago, but now it's gone really extreme.

2012 was only about destroying my optimist and my self-esteem.

It create more problems concerning the fucking bullshit at school. I had problems with my family because of something happening with my grand-mother. And I can seriously confirm that I hate a big part of my family now. I only have one real friend that I can trust in real life. I'm pretty sure that my mother is still on depression, even if she doesn't want to admit. My love life was awful too, I never thought I could give my heart to someone and be destroyed like this. My part job is also hell! But right now, it's the only decent thing I have. And I don't even know about my health...

I started the year crying...well this is what happened to me until now. Almost everyday I start to cry or I wake up crying. I wish to talk to someone about it, but not to change my mind, to just talk about my problems directly. Saying everything that doesn't work in my life and hope to have someone who can understand and maybe say something that can make me encourage?

Two years ago, I was starting a big depression when someone from my family was about to die...I have to admit before going completely "insane" Rochu helped me a lot. It keep me sane for a while.

I wish it could do the same once again, but I am sinking into darkness so much that even things that I love like Rochu or things that usually would make me happy and smile like Gintama and Sonic, don't work anymore. But I have to thank Rochu for these two years...maybe I will fall in darkness eventually, but my OTP help me cope for two years...it help me be  happy for more time than I realised. And I will always love it for that =,) Without it...I would have given up a long time...No matter what will happen to me, I will always love Rochu and my family who do a lot of sacrifice to keep me happy and my one friend who never give up on me.

I want to thank a lot all the people who helped me and never ignored me no matter what!
Thanks and I am sorry for being a bad person. I'm sorry if I am ungrateful!

Also sorry if this post is depressing, I just want to get this out of my mind.